THE Escapade

2011-05-06T08:09:00.000+08:00

dear allen,

i miss you.

fact is, i really really thought we could have a future together.
fact is, i really really would do anything for u.
fact is, i really really would love you even if you loved me less.

but you wouldn't let me. and it hurts so badly.

i always told you i trusted you're a good guy. yes men love fun, parties and women. i know. and i can accept my man to do what he wants as long as he loves me and comes back to me at the end of the day.

but you, you took away all my chances for loving you, even when i tried so hard to keep it going.

am i really that bad? so bad that you got into a new relationship and yet not wanting to tell me, hoping you would just let things slowly end eventually.

why allen, why?

you left without a trace.
you let me cry alone in the dark.
you wouldn't even care about my existence because being with me was a stupid mistake.

i looked back at the days we spent together. yes i got drunk. whined like a bitch. made deals with you yet i kept smoking.

yes, i wasn't a good gf myself. but i love you, that's real.

do i not deserve your honest truth, saying you don't love me and that we are through?
do i not deserve a phone call from you, at least telling me it's ok we can still be friends after all the shit that happened?

just so u know, i never once regreted being with you. when we were together i felt you cared for me, it was only after i left london things starting getting into a mess. you no longer cared. but that's fine, coz i always told myself you were bz and that you would find me eventually. but no, i was wrong.

after all the things i said you gave no response.

tonight you're probably cuddling another girl in bed, but i'm here sitting in front of the pc writing this.

yes,
my heart still lingers around those moments we spent.
my mind still thinks of you every single sec.
my love for you is still so strong.

and i hate myself for that.

joyce.

2011-04-25T11:07:00.002+08:00

it's 4am.

there're 7 of us in the hs. 3 are asleep; the other 4? LOL. we're pulling an all nighter.

i've been on the comp for more than 12 hrs now, with only 350 words written so far. i'm doomed.

interestingly though, i kinda enjoy staying up late and working with a bunch of friends. it gives me the urge and motivation to keep striving as much as i hate econs! =p

mr A's asleep. he's always sleeping. lol. guess he just stole my title of being a sleeping beauty. oh yes, sucha beauty he is. once in a while i'll walk into the room just to look at him. i so wanna cuddle him to sleep =(((

sweet dreams baby.
xoxo

2011-04-25T01:48:00.002+08:00

never have i been so stressed out. NEVER!

one essay and one report HAVE to be done by tonight. but how? i really dun understand what I read and I just can't analyze the facts AT ALL.

at this very moment of stress all i could think of is cigg. cigg. and more cigg. i dun wanna piss him off, knowing he doesn't like it when i smoke. but i can't help it, the feeling is unbearable. i'm too dependent on cigg when i get stressed out of work. i hate this. i really wanna quit but each time i think of the pile of work to be done i find myself giving in to the lil devil. T___T

from his face i could tell he's disappointed in me as i never lived up to my words. i told him i'd quit, or at least cut down to one per day but ever since we made the deal, i never once did as i said. even when i'm around him i just keep smoking, esp last night, i smoked so much that i felt so sick and i told him i wanted to stop. then again, those were merely words.

i'm sry i have to smoke, at least till i finish my exams. i really dun wanna piss you off baby, i just need more time, if you could understand. =((((

Dear A

2011-04-21T03:06:00.002+08:00

Dear A,

Last few weeks I've lived for the seconds when I think of you. Yes you, not him. You know I think I can proudly say I don't love him anymore. My heart no longer beats for him, my mind no longer thinks about him. It's all about you, just you.

Remember all those times we text each other via whatsapp and chat on fb? Remember the very first time we met each other in person at Tiger Tiger? Your presence took my breath away; I felt as if I lost my ability to speak nor act normally. I was overwhelmed by the fact that you just stood in front of me, like a princess finally met her prince.

Though you never told me about your past, I knew you still love her deep down inside. Maybe you guys broke up, or maybe, you're still with her. I don't know, and I don't wanna know. Now that we're together I have to keep telling myself not to doubt you, to believe that somewhere in your heart you do like me, and when you say you miss me, you mean it.

I admit I got carried away. I admit I've come to like you more as time passes by. Most importantly, I have to admit it does hurt when I see you text every single moment even when I'm around. Worst, I see the photos of you and her in your computer. I don't know how I should react. Should I let go, or take the risk to be with someone I like? I saw this coming when you first asked me to be your gf, yet another part of me can't accept a guy who isn't loyal to me. right, I'm contradicting myself. I'm lost.

Jessie told me to let my head rule my heart. Yet, being a hopeless romantic I always prioritize my heart. I really wanna be with you. I wanna be the one you could count on and share your ups and downs with. But I know, you don't like me the way I like you. You don't feel the same, and you certainly don't think of me as much as I do. I'm just another random girl you met in life. But look, I just can't treat you like other guy friends around me because you're special to me and I hate to lose you. I really wanna see you so much, giving you a big tight hug and telling you it's ok baby, you've got me.

Often I think of the day when reality sets in. When shit happens and we finally stop seeing each other. I know I'm gonna miss you so much. The thought of not being able to text or call you makes me feel so vulnerable. What if someday we bump into each other and I see you holding her hands? It probably takes a while for my pulse return to a healthy rate while blood frantically doing laps around the circuit of my body. It's that bad. But baby, I'll still watch you from far, and I know when the time comes, I will remind myself to remember, to freeze it in my mind, that I should act busy pretending not to notice you.

Perhaps...perhaps it's better to the puzzles unsolved, so there's always something emerging in my chest, something abstract in the air. Perhaps I'd like expectations to grow, so that temptations would flow.

It's Nothing Personal; It's Just Cultural Differences

2011-03-29T09:13:00.005+08:00

While doing my Marketing Research coursework, I suddenly thought of a brand new task for this coming summer break. I've decided to conduct a research on cultural differences. Yes, I'd like to explore the difference between Western & Eastern views on relationships. It would definitely be an interesting topic to work on. Gonna write an article out of it to apply for scholarship supporting my postgraduate studies in psychology/journalism. *fingers crossed* =)))

2011-03-25T23:17:00.002+08:00

HOLY COW I GOT A PART-TIME JOB AT COSTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i wanna thank God for this opportunity and i hope with the job, i'll be able to turn normal again. i hope it won't affect my studies, esp final exams are around the corner. i know i will be able to handle it.

p.s. the manager told me it's a tough job i'll be very busy. i'm scared but i know god will give me the strength to pull it through. AMEN!

xoxo

2011-03-18T09:56:00.006+08:00

Did I mention my brother will be here in London this Sat for a business trip? I'm overwhelmed, really. I'll be seeing him in less than 48 hrs and I wonder how it feels to meet up again after 6 months. I've been really hardworking lately, trynna get some work done before Sat so that I could spend more time catching up with him. I miss him, so much. He's the only person I think could really put a smile on my face because I always feel so comfy around him. Even when we don't talk, there's always something about him that becharmes my every attention. The very sight of him makes me feel vulnerable, and secure enough to surrender to his love without fear. It's like he carries warmth that completely envelopes my heart. Life has been so kind to lead me in the right path to find such a heart. No need for him to own fancy cars or have lots of money; he has a certain kind of confidence, joy and appreciation that makes him my respected brother.

Closing my eyes, I use my mind as a tool to remind my spirit of this wonderful being that fulfills my every dream. Yes, for him I'd do anything.

2011-03-14T01:36:00.003+08:00

It's weird. This is my first time blogging in the library. Usually I like to have my own space, just to let the emotions slowly flow through my body before expressing them out in words. Today I just feel different. I really need an escapade. I need to shout because I feel so sad, because I feel there's no one in this fucking world understands me and people just judge the way they want to. That sucks.

Someone told me a friend of his defamed me. Not like I've never experienced it. Not as if I didn't know how I should react. The fact that shit happens again and again just pisses me off. It makes me wanna punch someone on his face just to release the anger. At this verge of despair I find myself incapable of facing the whole world because I feel so ashamed of myself. My brother always tells me to ignore these people as I know those rumours ain't true. It's a free world anyway, people can say what they want and we can never stop them from doing so. Who doesn't judge? Even I do.

2011-03-04T09:23:00.003+08:00

What's wrong with the world? No I should ask, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE NOWADAYS?!

I'm scared.

2011-02-24T00:49:00.004+08:00

I'm scared.

I'm scared of leaving the UK and having to go back to Malaysia where I find myself incapable of adapting to the culture at all. MONEY, POWER, FAME, STATUS? I have none. The constant peer pressure drives me mad, I just can't live up to that kind of materialistic lifestyle, yet at the same time I don't wanna lose out.

I'm scared of people labeling me as a party animal and not accepting me for who I am but always criticizing the things I do. I drink, smoke and that seems pretty normal here but in Malaysia, girls who smoke are deemed inappropriate in one's eyes. Guys don't like girls who smoke, but look at me, I DO. how should fit into the society? I feel as though there isn't enough space for me to breath; I suffocate.

I'm scared of losing the freedom I have had all these while when I'm here alone with my friends without parental supervision. I'm scared of losing my independence because I know I have my parents around me when I'm back in Malaysia and that I can choose to rely on them even on financial difficulties. I dun wanna always depend on them, in fact I wanna fend for myself and I wanna contribute at least for a bit just to lessen dad's burden. I have to work here, to earn at least a considerable amount of money in support of my sis' tertiary education. Let me be someone for once, because I'm tired of being the black sheep in the family. I hate it.

Yes I'm scared. I'm so scared that I'm gonna miss the life here more than I do now and it sucks even more as time ticks away. There are so many things I wish I have done but haven't. Talking is always easier than putting things into serious actions, no?

Not to mention, I'm scared of you. The thought of bumping into you in Penang freaks me out and I just dunno how to react upon it. I don't even wanna see you again because it hurts me so much to see the person I love walk away with someone else. I just cried to myself this afternoon while reading back those emails you once wrote to me. There were lots of promises made, but none of them was kept well. The words seemed real, I could feel your sincerity as you said those things, but now they became words without meanings behind. At this point, I know it's best to just erase the past and move on, regardless of how painful the process is. I give up.

Heartless

2011-02-13T03:58:00.002+08:00

i feel like a walking corpse. i lost my heart. i no longer breathe. i dun need to eat, just feed me with shots and i'll be fine.

2011-02-12T22:34:00.002+08:00

i can't take it anymore. it really hurts!

Just Empty Skulls

2011-02-09T01:39:00.007+08:00

For hours I've been sitting at the corner of my bed, looking at the beautiful sunny day slowly turning into a dark grey sky. For hours I have nothing in my mind; I blank out. For hours I have tried to think of something happy apart from this lovely weather, but you know it's almost impossible to smile, especially when I'm still alone. I'm always alone no matter where I am or what I do. I walk to uni alone, I sit at the back of the classroom alone, and when I'm finally home, I'll still be alone facing the computer, as though it's my only companion. I eat alone, sleep alone; the same routine repeats every other day. It's sad to say this but I can't change the fact. I guess I'm meant to be alone.

I'm not afraid of being alone to be honest. I'm not afraid of having to live independently. I just hate the loneliness this life gives me. At times when I feel like I need someone to talk to, there's no one there. I end up talking to myself through blogging. Pathetic? That's me. People always come to me and tell me how glamorous my life is when they see my photos on facebook. Oh well, that's just the surface and I'm sick of explaining to them. Let them assume how happy I am with my life abroad, at least I don't look as miserable as I am in reality. It's good to let people have the wrong idea so they won't know the truth and they won't laugh at my misery. Most importantly, you won't know how much I have to suffer without you by my side and I can still breath with pride and dignity.

Maybe, just maybe. This life makes me become numb towards loneliness; I feel as if I'm immune to it. But at the same time, it takes all my emotions away. There are nothing buried within the body, just plain empty skulls.

I no longer need to control my emotions; they're long gone even before I realize.

stand by me

2011-02-09T01:36:00.001+08:00

you know i'll always stand by you through thick and thin, but you know you won't do the same.

For Being Forgotten Is Worse Than Death

2011-02-09T00:34:00.002+08:00

I'm not a writer, I don't really express myself well with words. Often there are words flowing through my mind, and I'm constantly thinking how to phrase them in proper sentences so I could write them out, to you. I don't know what hit me today, I just wanna write. This isn't me, I don't usually show it out. I don't like people penetrate my mind, as if they know what's in it and they will use it against me. I think we as a human should keep personal things to ourselves, at least our so-called "secrets". Yet in this moment as I'm writing this, I just have to rant it all out. I wanna scream out to you even though we're miles apart so you can hear me and that you'll know the truth. Truth is, I still can't remember to forget you. and I don't want you to forget me either, for being forgotten is worse than death.

It's been 7 months since our break up. You and I both knew we broke up several times, and then we patched things back the day after, if not a few days. We never really had any official break up, until last summer, when you headed back to Malaysia in June. The reasons were all fuzzy now, and I tried to persuade myself to be the mess so you could wear your pride. Yes you loved me, I knew. You should have known that I did too, even if you thought I did less. That aside, I knew you tried so hard to keep our relationship going on, but I guess I just needed more. More of your attention, your support and care, of course. Now that you're gone it's then I realized that loving someone is loving the person regardless of their flaws. And for those times that I told you I needed my space, I wanted to be single, to live my life without missing any exciting moments, I was wrong. So wrong that I wished I could turn the clock back and just hug you tight so I wouldn't lose you. But now it's too late, and you left me for another girl, even when you proclaimed that you wanted to enjoy your single life after our break up. I don't ask you to love me again, to come back to me when the wounds between us are so deep that no lasers could take those scars away. But I would appreciate if you could just remember me, every now and then, considering the fact that we were together for 3 years. It hurts me to lose you, but it hurts me more if you erase me from your memory, for being forgotten is worse than death.

Every single moment without you is depressing. At times my insanity drives me mad that I can't stop dreaming about you, about us. At times I would stare in blank space and I see nothing but your shadow, as if you're just there, in front of me. At times I wish you could just tell me that I still live in a corner of your heart, and that the reminiscence of me helps you grow into a better person for your newly committed relationship. Indeed your current girlfriend rocks big time. She's pretty, has nice silky hair which you could touch and smell all the time unlike the short haired girl you dated for the past three years. Of course you love her because she seems to be a nicer girl than I am, and I hope she loves you more than I do because a guy like you deserve the best from God. I mean it, truly. You're awesome just the way you are. Having said that, I think God's been good to me too. He's been opening doors ever since you left but I was the one who shut them off because I did not want to let go of you. Somehow in this world I know that I will never meet another guy like you. Even if I do, the person has to struggle through the remaining pieces of me. My heart's broken, it can never be fixed. Despite the fact that I've been telling my friends I wanna date a new guy, I just can't do it. I don't think I'll be a new relationship for some time, until I'm ready, and that I can have every bits and pieces of you gone from my mind for good. Until then, I still want you to continue living in my small isolated world and I don't wanna forget the good times we shared. All I ask now, is for you to think of me once in a while, for being forgotten is worse than death.

I've said what I wanted, and for that I'm glad. You moved on, so will I in the future. I'm really not mad at you; I merely hate myself for our sad story, for all the things I thought could have done better, and for those moments I wish we could have grabbed tightly and appreciated more. You should have known by now that somewhere in the shallow pits of my heart, I truly need a confession. Yes, I love you, more than one finite mind could ever imagine. So please if you loved me as much as you said, do not ever forget about me, for being forgotten is worse than death.

2011-01-17T12:09:00.003+08:00

happy birthday chris.

It's TIME...

2011-01-13T10:36:00.010+08:00

to Eat. Pray. and Love

A friend of mine once recommended this movie. He told me I should watch it, for he thought it would help me rise up and put life back in pieces again. As much as I agreed with that, I chose not to. I was afraid you see. Afraid that the images of my pathetic life would haunt me down one by one, slowly. I would rather drown myself in the sea of alcohol. Especially vodka, it may not be the solution to all my problems, but at least it numbs the pain, even for a while.

By chance, I came across it on PPS while searching for movies after six hours of mugging in the lrc . Ever since the break up, I no longer watched movies on PPS, with hope that I would not remember the happy moments when he hugged me in bed while having our sweet movie marathon. Ironically, I chose to cross the border today for no apparent reason.

No doubt, I loved every single bit of the movie and it changed my views on life. If every single thing has a name which represents it, love is the word how I would describe myself. When I say love I mean boy girl relationship. In the past 22 years, it was the only thing that mattered to me any way. I fought my way through hard times in search of the word "love", only to realize this small element of my life did not blossom the way I expected.

I ruined my relationship. I fucked my life up. From upsetting my parents to losing my friends and screwing my studies more often than one could think. Yes, I ruined everything. You name it.

People say tomorrow will be a better day, yet mine seems to be pretty constant. I hid all my emotions so others wouldn't see me through. I forgot what happiness was because my mind focused solely on sorrows. Most importantly, I lost the purpose of my life. I didn't even know what I breathed for. I left nothing with me but a broken heart. The scars beneath seemed permanent; Even lasers couldn't remove them.

Ramblings aside, I did change my view as I said. I've come to learned that one has to forgive oneself in order to be forgiven. I don't wanna continue living in guilt and regrets. Instead, I'll tell myself that having a broken heart isn't as bad after all. At least it shows I've tried hard to get something I consider important, even if that means losing in the process of getting it. I believe I'm more capable than what I think I am. I'm not gonna let the bad experiences deflame my burning passion or confidence. Just like a beautiful quote in the movie which says...

"Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation."

After a heavy downpour comes a sunny day. Have faith, and we will see rainbow in the clear blue sky. Sometimes happiness may come in the simplest way like sitting and smiling to yourself. Don't let go of any slight chance of being happy. What is there to live for if you ain't?

P.S. I've forgiven myself, therefore I forgive you. I believe one day out of the blue, you'll forgive me too. I hope we can still be friends regardless of what happened in the past. You know I loved you as a boyfriend, and I still do as a friend, always.

Once in a while...

2011-01-08T14:57:00.004+08:00

(Photo by Guille from Mark and Angel Hack Life)

you just gotta appreciate what life has to offer

Mad World

2011-01-08T13:06:00.004+08:00

It's such a mad mad world. Everyone around me is mad. Even myself, I'm halfway getting there. I spend most of the time alone in the room facing those empty walls.

I have nobody to talk to; I merely type.

Dreams, they seem too far away.

2010-12-24T11:06:00.006+08:00

last night i had a weird dream.
it was a random morning on a summer day.
i sat by the beach,
closed my eyes to feel the gentle breeze.
when i opened my eyes i saw you standing in front of me.
i rubbed my eyes in disbelief,
only to realize it was only my illusion.
truth is,
you were long GONE.

i don't know why i'm still dreaming,
even though knowing the fact that these dreams of mine are way too far to reach.

我就是犯贱！

2010-12-21T10:31:00.002+08:00

愛我的人對我癡心不悔；我卻為我愛的人甘心一生傷悲。

Don't Leave. You're All That I Ever Need

2010-12-18T18:45:00.002+08:00

2010-12-12T08:55:00.006+08:00

it's so quiet tonight
there's no one home
i'm alone in the room
trynna do some research
only to realise i haven't done much work

time's ticking away
am still thinking of april and may
you were all the while in my arms
before we finally parted our ways

summer's gone, so is your shadow
even the sun no longer shines through the window
it's been a while i i haven't really mellowed out
all i can hear is myself crying out loud

so close your eyes if we ever meet
feel may pain, it's really sick
tear's been dripping on these rosy cheeks
but it's ok if you could just kiss me again on my lips

don't tell me it's impossible, i don't believe
i know u're just pretending we're not meant to be
even deep down inside you don't actually agree
you're a man who surrenders to destiny

2010-11-14T07:13:00.003+08:00

is there even someone whom i can talk to?

2010-10-14T23:37:00.002+08:00

hey you,

i want you to know that it doesn't matter how hard it is for me to face this shit all by myself, because starting from today i aint gonna cry because of you. let's not blame each other for the pain and misery. we're so far away from each other, maybe u did love me, i doubted u, but it doesn't anymore because we're meant to say goodbye. i only trust myself, my feelings, what i see, and what i experience. i was heart broken before i met you, nothing's gonna change because the shattered pieces couldn't be any broken. one day i will fix the wounds up, without anyone but myself. fuck whoever that says love is blind, because love isnt, but humans are. i'm one good example. i had my choice to choose from, and i chose to love, to give in, to believe that my effort would bring me good endings. i'm the one who's blinded by illusions. i gave myself fat hope, so i shouldn't blame you or whoever once broke my heart. i took this road, and i can't go back anymore. i could only change my beliefs and prioritize other aspects of my life. i'll be ok as time moves on. those sleepless nights, shed tears, stupid dramas...they ain't gonna happen anymore. i'm only gonna love myself from now on.

2010-09-29T22:48:00.001+08:00

i'm not broken, i'm just unfixed.

2010-09-06T04:28:00.000+08:00

a broken heart can never be fixed.

2010-09-04T03:44:00.003+08:00

I've forgotten when the last time I cried.
Cried because of love,
Cried because I had my heart broken.
I've forgotten when the last time I smiled.
Smiled because of love,
Smiled because of happiness.
Smiled because of you.
I've forgotten when the last time I fell in love.
So in love that I only thought of you.
Nothing in this world mattered,
Because I had you with me.
You alone could make me feel right,
You completed my life,
You saved me from those emo nights.
You gave me joy and took it all back,
Leaving without a trace,
Leaving me hanging in between.
I was clueless,
My soul wandered in fear,
Searching everywhere just to feel your presence yet again.
And if you were ever there,
I wish you knew a girl like me was once in love with you.

2010-07-26T20:15:00.005+08:00

it's over. it's so over!
truth is, i just can't accept the fact that you fell out of love before me.
i used to be the one moving on before my ex boyfriends did, yet this time...
you moved on before me, and i'm still dwelling over the same shits continuously.
i'm still hoping you would turn back, telling me that it's ok, we shall start things from scratch...
you told me to enjoy life, coz this is what i've been longing for, so i should be happy.
having said that, do you even know what i want? becoz i don't. how would you know?
maybe this is not what i want, but it is what you want..
to get rid of me, to be single, to run away from responsibilities and commitments...
you're afraid of me, all you need is just to be free.
i don't blame you. why should i?
i was the one who asked for the breakup.
i saw it coming, i was prepared..
no i ain't upset, coz there are better things in life than living in regrets.

I'M JOYCE. I NEED NO MEN BUT MY DAD!

2010-07-20T03:05:00.002+08:00

这该死的爱
我真的放不开

2010-07-16T04:01:00.002+08:00

sometimes i wished u were here,
other times i wished u never existed;
sometimes i prayed u'd be mine,
other times i prayed u'd set me free.

2010-06-18T07:09:00.002+08:00

what should i do?
seeing this love going towards a dead end,
i can't pretend it's not happening,
can't cry coz the tears have all dried up,
can't see a future of us smiling together like we used to talk about what would happen years after.
i'm worn out, torn apart
like a flower slowly dying on the dirty mud;
hate this confusion, hate making decisions,
hate everything if there's no you in it.
expectations don't often be fulfilled,
what to do?
i'm just another girl who enters your life and disappears.

2010-06-18T06:47:00.003+08:00

and so i left you,
to find out the answers,
for those unsolved puzzles.

2010-06-18T06:44:00.001+08:00

am i your love?
or am i merely your companion in uk?

Ho Chai

2010-03-14T09:30:00.002+08:00

the words "ho chai" got me thinking the whole day. shan kinda explained the real meaning behind those words. i thought they were trying to say shan got lucky in gambling during cny, yet today what i received frm her turned out to be a tragic news. i didn't expect things to be as they were. it's hard for her, and i wish i could have done something to lessen the pain.

speaking of such experience, who else would have understood it better than me? im not being cocky, but if you know me well enough, u would have known behind this smiley face lies a long list of untold stories.

life's been a non-stop roller coaster ride since god-knows-when, and bad times like these make me wanna go away, not permanently, but at least for a considerable period of time. i need a moment for myself, perhaps just the computer and me, in a faraway land where nobody knows who joyce ang is.

relationships can be real nasty. it makes u depressed and get caught in insomnia, or it makes u drink till drop; at risk, it takes ur life away. not killing u, but to make ur life miserable where u don't even noe why u should even exist. it's the thought of being unwanted and unloved that makes u vulnerable. it's the loneliness that causes this void of life. yet for some reasons ppl just can't seem to walk out from this bottomless pit. reason being, we're all dependent humans who can't live without anybody.

since young we depend on our parents and family members for their love and support. when we finally do grow up and make friends, we depend on our social clicks for acceptance. we wanna feel belonged to a group. we need friends to avoid being called the outcast. the social clicks slowly expands where people start involving in a situation called "in a relationship". when things don't work out, the feelings fade away, relationships get torn apart, that's when we start wallowing in self-pity, and hating the person who dumped us or blaming him/her for not being THE ONE. there are always reasons as to why the relationships wreck, but at the end of the day, we are the ones who should be blamed for not being independent. )=

truth is, how often do you see people really accept the loss and mean it when they say it's alright becoz they deserve a better guy/girl? "ho chai" may be just an excuse to comfort ourselves at that spur moment, but to many of us, perhaps that alone means more than anything this world could offer.

大哥 by Janice

2010-03-06T06:48:00.003+08:00

2010-02-16T01:49:00.002+08:00

help!

2010-02-15T09:02:00.002+08:00

happy chinese new year and happy valentines to all !

2010-02-09T11:18:00.003+08:00

just when you think you're at the very verge of despair, and nth seems to fill this void of life up, you turn around and see a ray of light shining upon you - an old friend's love. somehow in this world, you'll never be alone, nobody will, because a friend will always be there to keep you strong.

thanks for being that friend of mine, bitch-es.

2010-02-08T11:26:00.001+08:00

i can't slp i can't slp i can't slp i can't slp!

arghh!

2010-02-08T01:54:00.005+08:00

it's such a lonely world
without anyone by my side
when my world falls apart
day and night seems so hard for me to survive
let it go
no i can't take it all by myself
this pain i shall bury insideeeee my heart

i'd run away and never look back
find a place where i wun pretend
even though it's sad because i can't
say goodbye to u

i juz wanna smile and be happy
but when i see u im caught in misery
depression is the only thing i see
as if death has befallen me

Stay With Me

2010-02-08T01:34:00.005+08:00

Verse 1

I'll hold you in my arms
No matter what they say
U'll be the one I love always

I'll fight to the end
Showing the world what it is
To be with you, always by ur side

Chorus

Baby pls dun go away from me
Knowing this love means so much to me
What am I to do when I'm without u
So pls stay with me

Promise me all these will remain the same
Nothing changes our heart and tear us apart
Baby I'll hold ur hand throughout this life time
Just believe and have faith in me

Verse 2

Carry me along
Never let me fall
This love we could do so much more
As we keep standing strong

Bridge

I dun wanna hide
This love for you inside
My heart anymore

无所谓

2010-02-07T09:31:00.007+08:00

我曾经以为　爱并不容易　但你的出现让我怀疑
我不敢肯定　我是否爱你　还是这一切只是空虚

很想你　我无法控制自己的情绪
只能每一天告诉自己别那么在意
不懂不问不管不承认
再困难我都坚持一定要容忍

不会哭　再怎么辛苦都能够撑住
不愿看到这段友谊变得很模糊
就算委屈我都愿意
只要你开心　我就无所谓

曾经何时　很想问你　我们之间有没有感情
还是那一句　我不会在意　我们究竟是什么关系

很想你　我希望每天能够见到你
你的笑容让我感到无限的甜蜜
让我继续活在美梦里
这是我活在这世界唯一的勇气

亲爱的　或许我们怎样都不可能
但我很珍惜我们之间美好的缘分
我一定会继续好好过
只要你开心　我都无所谓

亲爱的　真的无所谓

2010-01-29T07:53:00.005+08:00

to be honest, i really don't know what to do.
it's not nice being caught in this position whereby u have to pretend as if everything is gonna be ok.
truth is, U WON'T BE MINE, not in this lifetime.
yet for some reasons i'm still holding on to this illusion - I'm DREAMING!
i live in the past - the days where our lives were very much filled with sounds of laughters and smiles of joy.

i wish i hadn't fallen in love, knowing that one day i would be falling out of love again.

Come What May

2010-01-24T11:15:00.012+08:00

My 1st random piece of composition. muahaha. trial and error so don't expect too much from me!

anyway here's the lyrics :

It's Friday night January 22
My friends are out there drinking tequila blue
While I'm caught here not knowing what to do
Baby it's all because of you

I don't know if this actually matters you
Having me here facing this ugly truth
Why won't you tell me what you wanna do
Coz I'm really tired too

3 years passed ; the love doesn't last
Skies turned grey ; the cries remained
I wondered if this is our destiny and fate
All I know is come what may

Let me go, there's no turning back
You and I together we stand
Far away, looking back those memories we shared
All I can say is come what may

Baby come what may
Come what may
Yeah Yeah
Just come what may

...THE END...

Eternal Flame

2010-01-15T10:26:00.003+08:00

Are you there?
Because I'm talking to you.
I'm telling you how hurt I am,
and how disappointed I am in you.
Despite all the changes I made,
you showed no gratitude nor faith.
Am I dreaming or is this fate,
Coz i'm tired of all cries and blames.
The love fades; I can't debate,
Yet I'd still hope and pray,
That there would be a miracle called the Eternal Flame.

tears of sorrow

2009-12-26T02:12:00.004+08:00

"im going home, back to the place where i belong"

that was chris doughtry's "im going home". a song which was sung by me 3 weeks ago. i was overwhelmed by excitement when dad agreed that i could come home. and the moment i touched down penang, i knew i made the right choice for the very 1st time in my life. i wanted so badly to come home.

but now, it's juz 2 days away before i leave again. 3 weeks passed in a blink of eyes. i wish i din have to leave anymore, but since santa never once existed in real life, this wish of mine wasn't granted.

i wonder how the next 1.5 years would be, considering i wun be coming bec anytime soon. im so gonna miss my home, my family and a few people. u noe who u r.

"and the worst situation is, when you get up in the morning to go to school and your parents arent there, you come back from school in the evening and again they are not home. you go sleeping crying and you wake up in the morning and all you can look forward to is the evening so you can cry again and maybe feel better!"

ok, the thought itself makes me cry now. period.

2009-11-09T14:32:00.002+08:00

it's 6.30 in the mornin, and am still awake. looks like my sleeping disorder has somehow turned worse. gahhhh... it's a bad habit i know, trust me i've tried to curb the problem, but tonight, i just cant sleep. i dun wanna slp. because i dun wanna see time pass so soon. i dun wanna see u leave the house with ur luggages. i dun wanna see u walk away from my life. i just can't do that.

2.5 years of relationship means too much to me. it breaks my heart to see us end things up this way. it's been a fact now that we're no longer an item. no matter how hard i try to forget the promises we made, the bitter-sweet memories we once had, i still have to face this ugly truth. you're no longer mine. perhaps deep down inside we still love each other, we know we can't patch things back anymore.

whatever it is, i just want you to know that i've never regretted coming here for you. i've never once regretted loving you.

2009-09-12T03:14:00.001+08:00

Today, I told him I wanted to break up.

I Wanna....RUN

2009-09-11T06:59:00.004+08:00

I thought things got better, and I smiled for some reasons. But today, I'm mad at you AGAIN. Why is it so difficult for you to be supportive of what I like and I think of doing? I told you I wanted hair extensions, and I'd be happy if u could just follow me to the saloon to get it done. And why is it so hard for you to come along? You could spend the entire day playing WOW but when i asked u to keep me accompanied, u rejected, coz u think it might take up lots of ur time. silly me!

I should have gone to Australia. Perhaps I would be a happier person, without strings attached. Times like that just make me feel like walking away. I wanna run in fact. Run away from your life, like you've never existed in mine.

But I cant, coz i'm just a human with mixed feelings.

the SILENT moment

2009-09-09T02:24:00.004+08:00

The 3 guys are out again, without me. This is my 3rd time choosing to be at home alone. Whats the point of going out with people whom you don't even click? I may be with you for more than 2 years now, but i still think our lifestyles don't coordinate. YOU and your game buddies could sit in front of the pc 24 hrs without having to eat, bathe or slp, but sorry, that's not what I want for my life. YOU can be a boring and lifeless person, but you definitely cant turn me into one as well. I tried to fix the broken pieces. I want the both of us to have a future. and so i came all the way to study in the UK, for our sake, yet u for whatever reason, vanished my dream.

I used to think love is the greatest thing of all, and i still agree, coz i know my parents' love towards me is unconditional. I've never realized how important i am them, until I left my home. And today, i rang my dad up and cried over the phone, telling him how sad i felt all these while. He was supportive, in fact he always was. He told me just do what makes me happy, and if money can solve the problem, it will not be a problem at all. Mum too, sent an email just to tell me she'd be thr whenever i need her. she never stops praying for her little girl, and for that, I feel blessed.

I dunno if i'd smile again, but when i do, i noe it's not because of u.

Out We Go!

2009-09-05T05:16:00.003+08:00

I'll be homeless for a week. can u imagine that? the landlord informed us to move out today, just when we were halfway cooking the dinner! crap. we weren't even prepared for it since the new house is yet to be available. luckily edmund's housemates have all moved out, hence mr bf and i will be stayin over at his place for the time being. the thought of moving house twice makes me sick. apart from our luggages, we have alot of plastic bags filled with stuffs, some of them are dirty clothes which we haven't washed for weeks. how miserable! besides, i cant unpack my clothes and i wonder how im gonna change as all my clothes are squeezed in the luggage bags. omg i really wanna cry. i definitely didn't see this coming...not until today. how i wish 12th of sept would arrive in juz a blink of eyes.. i cant imagine myself suffering throughout the week. can no longer bathe in our very own private bathroom..argh! im not used to sharing bathroom with ppl, never mind gotta share the same toilet! FUCKKK IT. can some1 pls tell me what to do? you thr, god? =(

Alive and Kicking!

2009-09-04T06:49:00.005+08:00

Greetings from the UK!!! Yes yes Im still alive, unlike my blog. hehe. Not sure if anybody still reads it but still i wanna say..HI !
It's been a while I know. Sorry for late updates as I was pretty bz with college and now that it's over, I'm back to my omg-so-boring-life again.
In case you don't know, Im living in Hatfield, a small town near London. it's about 20 mins by train, very NEAR. but that doesn't mean life is fun and all that. I barely even head down to London since it always costs me a bomb. sumtimes it could even reach 100 pounds. Don't ask my why. I guess the stores just attract me with the big discounts. LOL. Imagine I could get a Gap tank top for 1.99 pounds. how awesome!
Time flies so quickly that I never actually realized this is already my 4th month here in the UK. I miss home everyday. I miss seeing my family, and I wonder when we can meet again. Next summer seems long way to go, Im dreading to go home. I used to think life abroad was so much better and I always wanted to leave asap. Now that Im here, I wanna go home so badlt. How ironic situations can be at times... but really, I'd do anything just to be home. If given a choice I'd stay in Penang, as thr's where home is, and thr's where my heart stays. Ah.. let's just pray I'll get my passport back soon so I can start booking the air tickets. *fingers crossed*
And in case u're curious if I met any charming-lookin british guy, no I haven't. But I did see 1 cute guy working as a waiter in a restaurant. ok, i used to think he was cute but after all the racism and shitz, i changed my mind. hah. mr bf on the other hand, spotted 1 hot china girl who looks like fan bing bing (a famous china celebratiy). i noticed he spends most of his time lookin at other girls instead of me. his biggest obsession would be hot british girls with long legs and big boobs. I wonder why he picked me, as im totally the opposite of such kind. ah....truth hurts.
Btw, I'll be moving to my new apartment on 12th of sept. It's a 4-bed-room apartment, which means I'll be living with 3 men, 1 of them being mr bf. My friends asked why we don't share the same room to reduce expenses, oh well.. sometimes we just need our very own privacy. I reckon having my own room means FREEDOM. afterall, it's a single bed we're toking about here. he's kinda sick of me kickin his ass in the middle of the night throughout these 3 months, never mind snetching his only blanket. HAH. winter's coming anyway, we'll all gotta keep ourselves warm.
I cant wait to move out. our current housemate (yes just that 1 particular guy) is driving me mad. He secretly drank our apple juicy and milk, and used our utensils without washing them. so i got back on him. I poured his pepper and curry powder onto his uncleaned rice cooker, and used up his oil to fry salmon. i dun care if he knows I did it, at least I know I should stand up for myself and not let anybody bully me like b4.
gtg. it's 20 mins to 1am. have to go to uni tmr to attend the student guide meeting. got myself this part-time job (approx 2 weeks or less). it's ok, at least i could earn some money even though it's not even enough to cover my expenses.
oh god,pls bless me with a permanent part-time job. i need it badly. i mean it.

P.S. went to Bristol to visit Sabrina and her housemates on sunday. we then headed to bath the next day. money spent, with no regretz. lol.

2009-04-09T14:34:00.002+08:00

life's a piece of shit.

New Template..For A Bright New Start

2009-03-22T21:00:00.003+08:00

wheee....
thanks to blogskins.com..
now i managed to change the outlook of my blog..
no longer so dead and dull.
muahaha.
im lovin this new template..
IT'S SO CUTEE!
u noe u love it too.
=)

anyways.
i juz came bec from SG.
been shopping EVERYDAY for a week.
money spent. WITH NO REGRETZ.
coz i bought pretty much stuffs.
shoes. clothes. bag. shades.
awesommmee...
LOL.
oh and...
i extended my hair as well.
juz 3 strands of blonde-coloured hair.
haha. damn funny.
i still think i look better off without them.
jessie got red extensions as well.
JEALOUSNYA.
hers is better. LONGER AND THICKER.
wuwuwuwu....

oh and not forgetting..
cheryl brought me to NUS.
syokness!
attended their lecture and tutorial class..
and even went in their pharmacy lab.
reminded me of those days when i was still very much interested in chemistry...
kinda regret not studying hard enough..
who noes.. maybe i might have ended up being one of the pharmacy students myself.
hahahahah.
nvm.
i'm pretty happy for who i am and where i am today.
afterall...
god always has his plans for everybody.
hope i'll pass my internship and get into uni as i've always wished. =)

P/S : It's our 21st month anniversory today. I LOVE YOU. hope you know I ALWAYS DO.

2009-02-04T01:37:00.000+08:00

im not a fool.
pls stop treating me like one.
THANK YOU.

2009-01-30T02:23:00.003+08:00

I WANNA SCREAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

damn sad. *sob*

Baby You're GONE.

2009-01-25T03:15:00.006+08:00

and that was our last kiss.

i'm gonna miss u real bad.

.......

still cryin nonstop.

T_T

braceless. SOON.

2009-01-14T23:24:00.009+08:00

yippie. i'm removing my braces on 23rd of march!!! omg omg i'm SO excited!!! been wearing them since form 4 so till now it's almost 5 years... wtf? 5 friggin years man...can't imagine how i'll look like without braces. they were there all these while and suddenly they're gone... FOR GOOD of coz. but yea..lookin at the brighter side of things...imma get to remove them b4 internship starts... wakakakaka.... ken, u ain't gonna laugh at me no more! =p

so happy that

it makes me high..

i wanna fly...

to the sky...

just u and i

till the day we die..

....

lmao? ok cut the crap.

i'm really THAT high now.

just before i go

here's the song i'd like to dedicate to YOU.

it's entitled Ice-cream, or some call it "talk to me".

Talk to me

Speak with me

Don’t sink before you rise, baby

Don’t fade away
You hesitate

You seem to wait

For all the time we had

Feels a world away
Who’s to say, we’ll be okay

We will make it through the night

Don’t want to wake up in this state

I just want us both to smile
Cause we’re the same

And I know that will never change

Look, I bought your favorite ice cream

I don’t want to see it melt away
If you walk out now

I don’t know if we could be the same

Baby, just talk with me

Cause I want you to stay here with me

The memories

The things we did

I locked inside my heart

Where I know I won’t forget
And now,

who’s to say, we’ll be okay

We will make it through the night

Don’t want to wake up in this state

I just want us both to smile
Cause we’re the same

And I know that will never change

Look, I bought your favorite ice cream

I don’t want to see it melt away
If you walk out now

I don’t know if we could be the same

Baby, just talk with me

Cause I want you to stay here with me

I want you to stay here with me

10 days....

2009-01-14T00:35:00.006+08:00

is all we have now.
then 9...8...7...6...
and finally...
THE day will come...
in a blink of eye.

why do u have to leave?
why can't u stay a little longer?
give it 3 more months perhaps?
why can't u just wait for me?
i often ask god why.
but in the darkest hour of the night..
it's only me..myself...and i...

nobody answers my question.
nobody understands my feeling.
then slowly tears go rolling down...
and i just can't stop myself from crying...
with my face covered beneath the pillow..
not wanting the sobbing to be heard.

i can't imagine how the departure will be..
a hurtful ending or a brand new beginning?
i only know the sorrow will flow through my body...
when your hands finally let go of me...
things will never be the same again..
there ain't no love, no joy..
just heartbreaking pain...

i wish we had a lot more time together...
i wish i could make you stay...
or even to leave with you right away...
but no matter we're close together or far apart...
i'll never forget...
how you've once touched my heart..

I LOVE YOU

Welcome 2009

2009-01-12T18:49:00.005+08:00

Happy Belated New Year Peeps!

Today's the 12th day of the brand the year, and I know some people kept nagging be about the updates, YES I HEARD YOU. I've been slacking off in writing, well err u noe...the usual laziness and all the lame excuses. Well anyway thank you for still visiting my blog even though it's WAY outdated. but hey, it shud be a good sign if u dun hear anything from me coz that shows how perfectly life has been here and there isnt anything bad to rant on. LOL. cut the crap. bottom line. I'm good. hmm. at least until today, I am.

Time flies aye? I'm currently in my last semester of Diploma In Mass Communication. Will be having internship once I'm done with this sem. 1 week down, 6 weeks to go. YAY! I SIMPLY CAN'T WAIT!!! Then again...I ain't sure which area I should go into...No doubt I do really have gr8 passion in broadcasting, but somehow I still find PR as a better choice to pursue because it seems to have a broader job prospect, NO? Whichever field I'm in, at the end of the day it's the communication skills that counts, which is worse coz i dun think i have any of them lor. hmm. HOW?!!!

and yes. speaking of time, someone has only 12 days left in penang. wohooo....syokness? yea i know he can't wait to leave this boring island, can't wait to flee from me aye? LOL. i've been a nightmare to him throughout these 19 months, and i guess it's time for him to TAKE A BREAK from me. yep. he needs space to breathe. i dun blame him. i used to cry every single day coz i think im gonna miss him so much, and it will be a tough journey without him by my side, especially during this crucial perioud of time where maximum strength and determination is very much required for the survival of internship. there wun be anyone for me to hug or to punch or even to throw tantrums on whenever i face any obstacle....

yea, i'm gonna miss every little thing u and i shared in the past. and how will things be in the future? i'm not ready to handle any unforseen circumstance, yet i noe it's for the better of ur future, hence im gonna face it as a mature young lady and let fate decide our destiny.

2008-12-30T02:06:00.002+08:00

you know it's love when you her first touch hand and feel it right.

and when you're with her, the stars seem to shine even brighter than any other days.

the moment you look into her eyes, you know it's her that you're gonna spend your entire life with...

2008-10-19T03:17:00.005+08:00

i can barely do anything rite now.
i'm so so so so so so so so so fucking depressed.
went for supper juz now..
had a sundae ice-cream to cheer myself up...
and i thought things wud be fine afterthat..
but i guess i've overestimated myself.
i aint that strong afterall..
oh and i cant stop listening to one of jay's new songs entitled "说好的幸福呢"...
it's so so so sad...
makes me even more emo...
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..
BUT WHY?!

i WISH i cud smile and pretend as if nth happened.

yea. i wish.

女人哭了是因为她绝望了；幸福离她太遥远，她累了，放弃了。

2008-10-18T18:21:00.003+08:00

i saw it again.
but what am i to do?
i'm juz a girl with a vulnerable heart.

2008-10-15T00:00:00.003+08:00

can u stay for me? because i really cant bear to see you leave.
say me selfish but i do need you to be here with me all the time.
why cant you juz wait for a few more months?
why do you have to go so soon?
why?
we hv less than 80 days from now.
i really dunno what to do.

..........totally helpless.............

cruelty.

2008-10-09T23:29:00.007+08:00

hello world.
i know it's been quite some time since the last post.
no i wasn't busy with life. in fact i go on9 almost every night except for last week. coz i went to langkawi and genting. haha.
and yes i had a wonderful holiday. but i'm not gonna tok bout the trips here now.
i remember i once said my blog is more of emo stuffs so ya...today's post is AGAIN about some sad things.
thr's this girl, who happened to be a friend of my mum's friend's daughter. ok that sounds a bit confusing but anyway she WAS only 13 years old and she died today.
her brain damaged and was put on life support.. but sadly 2 days later, her parents decided to let her go by taking the oxygen away.
when i heard about this i was like WTF?!
come on man, ur kid might be in coma but who noes maybe she was lying down thr fighting so hard to stay alive and yet u cold-blooded fuckers gave up on her juz becoz u thought she might not recover anymore?!
arghhhhhhh!! i tot such cruel situation only happened in movies but no...it did actually happen in real lifeeeee!!! and for this, im truly heart-broken. =(
yesterday my mum's friend told her bout it and they went to pray for her in the hosp. her heart stopped, but she survived again after the prayer. i dunno how but sumhow, miracle happened. though the chances of her recovering was thin, her parents should believe and have faith in god, and never to give up so easily.
I would never want to pull away the oxygen if there was some chance of recovery and survival. NO WAY!!!
arghh.. i still cant get over with it no matter what... im upset and angry and frustrated and .... i dunno... i wish i cud do sth.. i wish i cud stop her parents, but no... im not the doctor. i wish i cud be one.... a doc who wud stop these fuckers from killing their own daughter.
......
u noe what girl, i may not know u, but ya, god's with u now..
may u rest in peace.
amen.

p.s. now i feel life is so precious. i dun wanna die anymore.

kdu prom '08

2008-09-02T01:21:00.006+08:00

23 August 2008

-A Night To Remember-

it's GONE.

2008-08-15T00:22:00.004+08:00

indeed, part of me went missing.
it's GONEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
yes, i had my extensions removed this afternoon, and now i regret doing so.
funny..how ironic a situation can be!
blame nobody but myself, for not forseeing the consequences...
what consequences u may ask?
lol. oh well, short hair always makes me look ROUNDER and uglier.
and ppl tend to describe me as "CUTE".
thanks, but somehow i'd appreciate it if they cud be frank with me.
coz i noe short hair relli sux big time.
and i hate it.
but i've got no choice.
my extensions were of bad conditions. got tangled up and apparently some strands even came off all of a sudden.
i knew i HAD to remove them before my whole head turns bald.
yea, i wudnt wanna end up shaving my hair and hving to wear a wig like britney spears.
lol. no offence.
anyway, ya i'm definitely gonna pamper myself these 3 days in kl.
i'm gonna eat as much as i can...
coz food is FOC since mr bf is paying on my behalf.
but when it comes to shopping....
fine, i'll juz hv to bear with the temptations and try not to give in to them.
i'm so broke after getting my hair done and all..
let's juz hope i dun get attracted to all the nice stuffs..
esp JUICY COUTURE..
damn! juicy juicy juicy...
so much to buy, yet so little money to spend...
haih.......
zo lang jin kang koh !!!!

2008-08-06T23:31:00.003+08:00

i'm at a constant state of crisis, of breaking down.
i feel drained and dead and explosive with emotion..
like i could cry anytime if i want to..
and worse of all, I feel like dying.
SUICIDAL THOUGHTS KEEP RUNNING THROUGH MY HEAD..
but i hv no guts.
i'm scared of death.
whr will that lead me to?
heaven? hell? or nowhere else?
it's difficult to live with my condition like that.
in public, I try to LOOK okay.
i'm pretty much fine in front of my friends.
i ignore and hide all my negative emotions so that nobody would ask questions.
damn i hate it when people ask me what's wrong..
there's always no answer to that question.
i get emo all the time, with or without problems.
it's just me u see.
i'm too used to being down.
and with the increase of family problems and other fucked up things...
i turn even worse.
i really dunno how these things started.
before i even realized, i've actually got myself into this bottomless pit.
there aint no other path. no way out. no nothing.
i'm stuck here, forever.
i tried to run away and never look back, but circumstances stopped me.
the only thing i cud do was to pretend as if i cudn't be bothered with the happenings.
and so i raised my voice, being really irrespectful to them.
but i dun hate them you see.
i just din noe how to face them or even to talk to them.
i cant.
because i'm not perfect.

古惑仔之细细粒香蕉女

2008-07-31T22:49:00.005+08:00

已经两日啦。。
食唔落返唔着。。
心情真系好差。。
点算好啊？
玩电脑game都闷死我啦。。
更何方系facebook。。
只不过今次古惑仔真系玩都我好过瘾。。
成日对著个电脑。。。
不停upgrade个level。。。
以加都要level13咯。。。
做任务赚快钱。。。
同人地PK都好赚得钱嘎。。
好快就可以开个karaoke店。。。
真爽快！！！
连bb都输被我。。
哈哈。
如果你都系古惑仔之一，加埋我啦！
*wink*

...

2008-07-29T23:11:00.009+08:00

damn emo now...

life's so fucked up.

shits happened again AND again.

CONTINUOUSLY!

sumtimes i feel as if im driving home late on a dark stormy night...

when my car is the only one on the road...

and i'm all alone..

one moment a street light passes over me...

it's bright and shining..

giving me a ray of hope...

but in split second it's gone...

and i'm back to driving alone in the pitch blackout.

yep so this is my life.

all alone.

dark and sad.

every once in a while a light will shine on me

but it disappears even before i can recognize it.

and this time around...

LOST

CAR

KEY

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

am i outta luck...

or do i really deserve such punishment?

emo, but cant help it.

2008-07-16T02:56:00.003+08:00

i'm still not happy. but it's just me. nothing seems to make me happy. =(

apart from the exams, well i guess it was quite a nice day afterall. i had a great time gathering around with my bunch of bimbo friends. haha. yea they're really cool. and fun to be with. esp pot and ponx. they really made me laugh my heart out. honestly speaking, i haven't really laughed this much. i dunno why but they just have this ability to cho siao and make hell lots of stupid things. damn. i love them so much! well of coz not just the 2 of them la. cy, lynnette, kg, jess, dove.. u guys are great too. MWAH. and not forgetting those who missed the potluck today - tps, lshan, poly, mah, chonke, rj... i miss u guys, and i hope we can all meet up again real soon. lookin forward to knowing those wonderful stories that are yet to be revealed... haha.

yep talking about exams, i pretty much screwed up both subjects. photo and org comm! damn. at 1st i tot i cud at least get a B for photo, but now it looks like my hope is somehow crashed...so sad. oh well, forget it. 2 down, 2 more to go. will work harder for copyrighting and radio. HAH. i TRY la...

u noe...i wanted to stay focus in my studies, but then mr bf makes me emo again. why does he always have to ruin my mood, esp at this crucial moment when i need his support and motivation to study? why, of all people, it has to be him who is always making me upset? actually we din really argue la. it's our conversation that makes me emo. lol. ah...come to think of it, i havent been really toking about the down side of US in my blog. lol i tot it shud be kept private since it's between US. but at the time, if i dun blog it out there will be nth for me to post up. basically my life is all about him. him and just him. so ya, if you ask me what else to talk about? it's actually NOTHING in particular. hence i think i should start socializing more. mix with more people, hang out more often, for i noe once he leaves penang, everything changes and i'll be left alone.

arghhhhhh! whatever. im not prepared for the nightmare, and i dun wanna face it either. k i dun wanna think about it ANYMORE, because each time i do, i'll end up crying myself to sleep.

stressed out

2008-07-15T03:15:00.003+08:00

i cant sleep.
i cant study either.
too stressed out with the finals.
will be sitting for org comm and photo exams in less than 12 hrs.
OMG.
i'm so not prepared.
photo should be ok i guess, but org comm is relli diedED.
i did last minute revision for both subjects, so u noe how it's like when there r so much things to study within the time limit.
damn tekan wei..
not just dat.
i hv to deal with mr bf, who's emo-ing at this time due to dunno-wat-reason.
it's frustrating when u hv so many things to handle at the same time, and u noe u cant deal with them successfully.
right now my mind turns really blank.
i aint sure what i shud do.
to sleep? to eat? to continue doing my org comm worksheets? or to call mr bf and tok to him, hopefully he feels better?
but hey, he shud be the one calling me instead.
I'M EMO TOOOOOOO!!!
not fair man!

lalala

2008-07-08T02:24:00.002+08:00

love my new shoes.
love my new top.
love my new pants.

i finally found a solution to my emo-ism. emo-ness. emo feelins or wateva u call it. haha.

yep shoppin is so good.

din relli shop much BUT...
love the stuffs i bought. =)

so, bring me for shoppin spree...

IF YOU DUN WANNA SEE ME EMO.

hohoho.

this msg is specially delivered to YOU, ALVIN LOH CHUN LENG..
coz u make emo TONIGHT.

blah. hate u.

till then, GOOD NIGHT.

i'm off to dream of bosco.
isn't he so cute?
LOVE HIM MUCHIE.
x.o.x.o

don't know. don't care.

2008-07-05T02:43:00.006+08:00

the knife won't kill don't worry.

i dun wanna die either; i just wanna feel the pain.

hohoho. so u think i'm mad?

and if u ever wonder why i disappeared for so long...

DON'T BE SURPRISED.

i was so mad that i commited suicide and got admitted to the hospital, so i wasn't able to update my blog for like... ONE MONTH? lol. oh crap. i was just bullshitting. =p

so what if i'm no longer an active blogger?

not that i used to be, but AT LEAST i managed to post sth up in less than a month..

yet this time around, things became so different. I DON'T WANT TO BLOG ANYMORE. i don't see a point why i should blog, when everyday i'm caught in the whirlwind of confusion and depression. im sure u won't even bother to read bout my emo stuffs rite? lol. =)

yes i have a lot in my mind, things that i would love to share, or merely just ramble around to relieve my frustration...

but somehow at one point, i decided to just leave everything as it is. i dun even wanna mention bout the stuffs anymore. no matter how unhappy i am, it is best to remain silence and keep my fingers crossed, hoping for miracles.

u know...BEING EMO SIMPLY SUCKS TO THE MAXXX!!!

it sucks the life out of you. it sucks the life out of the ones you love and that love you.

it shuts you off from the world. (i have no idea how i got here and what's worse is i have no idea how to get out. )

you want to talk, you need to cry and vent and yell and scream. you want the pain to stop and go away, leave you forever with no chance of it returning.

you need and want someone that really understands you....

and yet to only realize that no one actually does.

oh well, forget it.

IT'S JUST ANOTHER EMO NIGHT.

gloom and doom

2008-06-07T01:35:00.002+08:00

I screwed up my one and only chance for the recording session!!!

as expected, it was all gloom and doom... =(

before the show actually went on air, i tested my cds and found one of them in error.

how nice?!

i got so panic that i din noe wat to do. but thank god denise lent me her cd for the signposts and commercials. i managed to rearrange the structure last minute so that i wudn't mess everything up in the end.

but still...during the show i made a lot of stupid mistakes wic i shud hv been able to avoid. and in the last section itself, i added an impromptu msg which ended up making my whole show worse. damn! can i take bec what i say?????!!!!

apart from the deejay show, my role as an interviewer and newscaster were juz as fucked up. the role of producer wasnt that difficult but i still had a real tough time cueing my teammates. im really really sorry if i ruined any of their parts, though i noe it's already too late to aplogise...dun hate me pls! *sob*

haih....

how i wish i cud turn the clock back!

if given another chance, i'd definitely do so much betta than this...

people always live in regrets.

don't you think so?

Message In The Bottle

2008-06-02T00:22:00.006+08:00

and for that, i've created my own message in the bottle.

whee!

now it's ur turn to try.

i tag JESSICA, BENJ, ANDREA, EE LIN & JESSLINA =)

so my dear friends...

You are about to send a virtual Message In a Bottle across the Blog Ocean. Leave a message in the sand or on the bottle. Write anything you wish. Be a pirate or a poet. Serious or silly. Anonymous or not.

It's really simple.

All you need to do is to follow the rules as below :

1. Compose a message to place in your virtual bottle

2. Right click and Save the graphic below

3. Use a graphics program of your choice to place the message on the picture

4. Post the meme and these rules on your blog

5. Send your "Message In a Bottle" via email ~ mimiwrites2005@yahoo.com

6. Tag a minimum of five people - or your entire blogroll - to do the same

FOR MORE DETAILS..

CLICK HERE!

ENJOY ^_^!!!

2008-05-31T02:53:00.003+08:00

hey world.

juz to let u noe.

at this very moment..

when some of you are happily dreaming of ur lover..

i'm here alone..

crying to myself..

trying to figure out how pathetic my life has turned into.

and to really understand why things ended up this way.

I FEEL SO FUCKIN AWEFUL!

Helpless

2008-05-26T15:39:00.003+08:00

ok i'm stuck here. im supposed to do a report on anti-child sexual abuse but i have no idea how i shud start it. there's no outline for the report, and the elements given by jess were kinda vague. she briefly told me what she wrote but still im kinda lost. no, im VERY VERY CONFUSED! i feel so pai seh with denise, who has already done so much and i dun wanna disappoint her. i MUST get the report done by this week no matter what. ah... but b4 that... HOW SHUD I START?!!! damn!

what kinda semester break is that man?! the assignments are all piled up. so basically this so-called break is meant for catching up with the assignments instead of enjoying every single second to the fullest. but there are some lucky ones out there who get to go on vacation...denise's going to hk;sherine's leaving for kl with her friends whereas jessie's going back to her hometown in ipoh. SYOKNESS!!! me?! at 1st my dad told me i could go to spore if i wanted to, but since my aunt is coming bec this wed, i'm not leaving penang anymore! arghhh...sien. but neway, i still gotta finish up the report and other stuffs right? so yea i NEED to be in pg. zzz

i used to love holidays so much becoz this is the time where i can lazy around at home doing nth...i can go out anytime i want without having to worry bout the unfinished assignments or getting so stressed out by the examinations. but now?! nah. all i want is to graduate from my diploma as soon as i can and get my ass outta penang. im so sick of ppl askin me why i'm still doing diploma after so long. yes. very long indeed. come to think of it, i've graduated high sch for 3 frickin years. DAMN! pls god...take me to july 2009 where i can proudly tell myself that im done with diploma. hah!

someone pls spare me half of your brain!
like i said last night,
i wish i were 10000000000000000 times smarter.
*sigh*

ah....whatever. enough with the stress and frustration. if this continues i'll definitely die of high blood pressure and heart attack. zzzz

the only thing that keeps me going on is the thought of meetin up pot, cy and kg this thursday. YAY! we're gonna hv lunch...wohoo...cant wait! maybe we should make the half-american treat us exotic food...spend him 9 9! dun care. afterall, he still owes me a bday treat. (oh yea like he cares?!) hahaha...

regretting...

2008-05-25T23:24:00.005+08:00

i miss my straight hair....

SO MUCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

curly hair makes me look so OLD and MESSY.

it makes me stay away from the mirror and camera.

urgh...

tht day i went to wash hair at wai kit's saloon.

actually not his la, but he's currently helping his mum's friend out...

so after the hairwash, i asked his collegue to help me blow my hair str8...

and the outcome really lightened up my day.

I LOOKED SO SO MUCH BETTER IN A STR8 HAIR!!

LOVE ITTTTTT~

but sadly, that lasted for only a day.

right now i'm back with my ugly curly hair.

YEWWWWWWWWW......

imma damn regret perming my hair.

even though i desperately want to straighten it back, i can't do it because i have NO MONEY!

been spendin too much on hair, which is unecessary. haihhhh..

and worse of all, it didnt make me look any better..

argh!!!

TEKAN-nyaaaa....

2008-05-19T20:48:00.006+08:00

My blog is dead. SO DEAD that i dun even feel like updating it anymore.

B U T W H Y?

simply because I am the hangat hangat tahi ayam type of person. in mandarin we call it 三分钟热度. english leh..i dunno la. haha

One moment i'll feel as if im so into it,

the next second u'll see me indulging myself in something else.

ah...i just cant help it!!!!!

neway.. to those of you who have been waitin for my updates, I'M EXTREMELY SORRY! here's my sincerest apology *take my bow* lol

kay so may's gonna end real soon. im relli relli relli lookin forward to june. 622 to be exact. hah. it's gonna be our 1st anniversary in case u dunno. *rolls eyes* TIME FLIESSSS!!! and i've never expected us to come this far since we argued quite often..ah...but isnt that wat couples oways do?

%&^*&((^R&^$#^%$ER$T#$E%Y

scold all you may,

but after that,

make up with ur partner, talk things out,

and things shall fall into place again.

oh and before i forget, bb just CHANGED his hairstyle. he went for crew cut. wakao. how YENG do u think he'll most probably look like?

could it be like justin timberlake? *waaaaaa*

or david beckham?! *ahem*

or any english man down the street???

N A H!

he is who he is. my one and only dearest bb.

lookin just as cute as he oways is, even in a super duper short hair.

*winkz*

A TOAST TO OUR LOVE AND OUR SOON-TO-BE-ONE-YEAR-RELATIONSHIP!

I LOVE YOU.

Bday Eve

2008-05-01T20:25:00.021+08:00

Jeng jeng jeng...my 20th bday celebration continues HEREEEEEEE...

k so the previous post i mentioned about the surprise given by my besties...and now.. im gonna talk about the things hubby gave me... hohoho.

first of all...it's my hair extensions!!! a bday gift from him!! mwahhh...

i think most of you already know i had my hair extended. some said they prefer me with short hair ; others praised the extension. and guess what? my lecturer actually gave me a negative feedback by saying i looked like the ghost in ring o...haha. wateva it is, i'd still have to thank hubby here for giving me this bday prezzie. yep. I LOVE IT, even though i got my motha pissed off until she kept naggin me to remove them. BLUEKZ.

yep..the next thing i'd like to share with all of u is my BIRTHDAY CAKE!!!

one month ago i made him promise me to bake a bday cake. although deep down in my heart i knew i was merely joking about it, i made it sound so serious coz i wanted to see if he wud do it. hohoho. and little did i expect it, he really kept his promise. HE BAKED A CAKE FOR ME ONE DAY BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY!!! so toucheeeedddd!

Thanks again baby. imma truly appreciate ur effort..

In case u wanna have a clearer view.. here it is. haha. a tiramisu cake with strawberries as deco. seriously it was delicious!!!! slightly melted but overall, i'll give 2 thumbs up for the effort and great taste.

on that day itself, we had dinner at my house since my sis promised to cook pasta for me as a bday gift. aftertt, hubby invited his heng dais out to celebrate with me. and so, our next activity was chilling at BED. =)

as usual, we talked, drank, took pics and played cards while waitin for 12am to strike.

and when the clock finally hit 12am... there was a sudden blackout. according to the waitress, the whole row of shoplots were out of electricity for an hour. hohoho. syokness. what a smart choice to celebrate bday aye? lol. anyway, the guys still continued singing bday song for me. once again i was told to make a wish, cut the cake, and bite the candle out from the cake.

not forgetting. there were also beautiful lighted candles placed on each table due to the black out..adding a romantic atmosphere in coincidence to my bday. im lovin it =)

and so my day...ended with one big sweet kiss.

thank you bie. love love love love love you to the max!!!

words just cant express how grateful i am for the things u did for me.

since you're so good to me,

i wanna keep bullying u..

until the day i die.

wakakakakaka.

I AM EVIL!

MUAXXXX MUAXXXX!!!!

Hitting The 20s

2008-04-29T23:28:00.021+08:00

yesh. i've turned 20. FINALLY!!!!

and for those who wonder how i actually celebrated my big day...

NOPE.

I DID NOT GO ANYWHERE FOR CELEBRATION.

I MET AN ACCIDENT INSTEAD!

my bestie accidentally hit me while reversing her car. lol. come to think of it, it's really hilarious yet unbelievable at the same time. i mean who would expect him/herself to be knocked down by his/her own friend rite? what more it happened on MY BIRTHDAY. 29th of april!!!! omg. i cant believe it even till now. lol. thank god im still alive. there wasnt any internal injury. just a small wound on my right knee..so basically..it was rather a blessing in disguise. hehe

although i did not get to celebrate my birthday on the exact day itself...i pretty much had wonderful time with my besties and hubby. ON DIFFERENT DAYS =)

on sunday nite, 27th of april...

jessie, ben, vincent and rachel had a surprise for me.

before they picked me up, jess sms me and told me she was argueing with ben in the car. of coz i got worried so i rang her up and i accidentally heard the "arguement". after a while she sms again and said they were thr. k i rushed down and after gettin into the car, the atmosphere was relli relli tense. rachel and vincent were inside too. jess and ben continued argueing like nobody's business. i damn takut k. i din expect things to turn out this way. rachel and vincent were damn quiet. i acted like a fool, trying to calm jessie down but my effort was in vain. THEY EVEN WANTED TO BREAK UP!!!!! OMFG... zzz.

jess : maybe we should break up

ben : it isnt a bad idea ( sth lidat i forgot d )

jess : LET'S DO IT...

after the line "let's do it" .. all of them suddenly laughed and sang bday song to me. i was stunned. my mind went blank. I CRIED instantly coz i relli tot sth bad happened, but no.. I WAS PRANKED... hahahaha... stupid me. but i was touched really...for the effort and brilliant idea...urgh. i'd definitely not gonna b fooled again if jess and ben were to tell me they're gonna break up. hahahahaha. for i noe... nth can tear them apart. hohoho.

they brought me to babylone where we chilled, talked and not forgetting... TOOK PICTURESSS!!!!

we invited daniel over as well. hehe. and thanks dan, for giving me face although i knew u were reluctant to drive all the way to upr. but u did it for my sake. THANK U. huggggzz
the surprise did not end in the car. it went on until the waiter brought up a cake with a lighted candle...awwww...tt was relli sweet!! i made a wish, blew the candle.. and as usual la.. they asked me to bite the candle off from the piece of cake. AND SO I DID.

after babylone, we headed to momo to club. where our real PARTY started. hohoho. drinkin and dancin simply made my day.

everything was fine. it wasnt crowded. we had lotsa space to dance, but the music was way too disappointing. damn. luckily we met this bunch of hot chicks from england. and so.. all of us danced togetha and our night went really crazy.

THANKS FOR EVERYTHING BABE!

They say we need not have many friends,

for one true friend is good enough to light ur life up

and make u smile from the very bottom of your heart.

Thanks for being my true friend..

And also..

Thank you so much for the very special day.

X.O.X.O

(editted by jess)

hairstyles.

2008-04-26T02:21:00.006+08:00

before and after.

comments are much appreciated.

thank you.

^_^

Depression doesnt go away. It just keeps coming more and more.

2008-04-13T21:02:00.012+08:00

Pardon me..
But i really feel like rambling on now.
Partly because i'm bored.

I HAVE NOTHING TO DO.

No, i should say i'm fed up with my photography assignments.
The pics we took the other day were of low quality.

FUCKING BLUR, I CAN'T EDIT.

D-O-O-M-E-D!!!

Without him, I FEEL EVEN WORSE!

Absence makes the heart grow fonder,

but it sure makes the rest of me lonely.

So now i don't wanna talk to anybody.
I don't wanna smile, neither do i wanna fake being happy.
It's not just all about the pics.
I've been emo-ing since this afternoon, but i don't know exactly what is wrong.
There isn't a way to explain it to someone who doesn't already understand.
If given a chance to choose what i want, it would definitely to be left alone.
At least when I'm alone no one constantly asks what is wrong and there isn't anyone who won't take "i don't know" as my answer.
I wonder when I can have this depressing feeling fade away...
I really wanna stop emo-ing...
And to be able to smile from the bottom of my heart...

HOW I WISH...

eventually all the pieces will fall into place.

but until then...
All I can do is..
WAIT and LIVE FOR THE MOMENT.

nigga bear.

2008-04-11T22:19:00.017+08:00

As i was wandering around Giant Supermarket,

I saw this cute bear with dark brown fur..

sitting on the shelf...

and its eyes were staring at me..

as if they were drawing my attention..

and thru those pair of desperate eyes..

i could sense the voice within him..

yea. i call it NIGGA BEAR.

wic reminds me of the bear in my storybook.

(oh well..long story la tat wan..ken noes it the best)

k neway...nigga bear kinda toked to me i guess?

lol.

below is our conversation.

NIGGA BEAR : WHY DIDN'T YOU PURCHASE ME??

IM LONGING FOR A HOME....and A HUG FROM YOU!!!

*sniff*

I DUN WANNA BE LEFT ALONE HERE. I'm SCARED.

JC : aww..i'd love to bring you home.....

but..but..

you're way too EXPENSIVE????!!!!!

i hv no money...*sob*

guess how much it costs?

rm100 for god's sake!

...

mahal bangat si!

So who's getting it for me????

ANYBODY?

pity that nigga bear wei..

=..(

of coz...

nigga bear wasnt the only bear i saw la.
there was another bear..
wic had white beautiful fur...
my sister finds the white bear more attractive ,
but me...i'd prefer nigga bear better. lol.
a million thanks to mr ken,
for the UNUSUAL NAME. -.-

ARGHHH!!!!!!!!!

I HEART NIGGA BEAR!

I WANT IT!!!

IT SIMPLY ROCKS, DOESN'T IT?

YOU NOE YOU LOVE IT TOO...

DON'T YOU?

kdu fashion contest. =)

2008-04-08T19:48:00.007+08:00

Alright people... WASSUP ???

kk. as for me...i participated kdu fashion competition!!! ..which was held this mornin. hah.

seriously i din expect myself to be part of the finalist as i never intended to join the competition, and i din dress up according to the theme. but on friday itself, i happened to wear this top with some bling bling thingy on it, hence making me the winner of the theme - bedazzled. apalah. aku lucky bangat si!! haha. k i was excited, yet worried at the same time coz i din hv anything NICE to wear for the final. after tryin out a few clothes, i decided to go casual. i did ask a few friends of mine for their comments and they said casual still suits me better. so ya... tt's it lo..but in the end i din win the competition. probably becoz i sucked big time. lol. lame answer for the Q&A session, and most importantly, my outfit was way too normal compared to other contestants. hehe nevermind. experience counts neway.

from left : the fashion icon ( from art and design department, which i dunno what her name is. sowweee!! ) , chrys, michael, naina, yours truly ( stop laughin you ppl!! told ya i looked horrible!! ), cat, farah and last but not least.. the cute guy from engineering...Arwin or sth? haha. i forgot his name. too bad =(

that's pretty much all about it.

so...

for those who lost in the competition..

don't be sad or give up.

continue to SMILE..

and..

for tmr will be a better day.

STOP THE PAIN.

2008-04-06T17:16:00.004+08:00

it's unbearable

The Uncle's Birthday

2008-04-03T19:45:00.011+08:00

Hello Uncle Don..
yea u've now become a real UNCLE somehow.
happy bo?

ok la sorry for the sarcasm.

maybe i should just address you as...

MY FUTURE BRO IN LAW!!!!!!!!

wakakaaka..

a bit perasan la but...

WHO CARES RIGHT?!

Bluekz.

Neway..
I hope I aint late for this birthday wish..
yep so...

HAPPY 23rd Birthday!!!
Whatever with the past has now gone,
The best is always yet to come.
Sit back and relax..
while waiting for a bright new future to come yea?
Take Care.

With Love and Regards,

-your brother and his gf-

of sickness and recovery.

2008-04-03T01:32:00.009+08:00

YAY!!

his last nite in the hosp.

so was my last being his PRIVATE nurse.

WHEEEE!!!

no, i'm not complaining bout taking care of my bb k?

i WILLINGLY kept him accompanied.

i dun mind being there 24/7, as long as i can be there for him whenever he needs me.

anyway, thank god for the recovery.

my prayer works somehow. =)

NO MORE ADMISSION PLS!

btw i heard from sim that JESS fell sick too.

APALAH....

after my bf, now my best fren.

why is everybody sick???!!

*a deep sigh*

get well soon my dear friend...

hope to see u in class on fri.

GOD BLESS !!!!

The Patient.

2008-03-31T20:26:00.007+08:00

Guess where am i blogging now??

LOH GUAN LAI HOSPITAL.

ROOM 3303...

where my bb is admitted..

dun believe? see the pic below. that's him. while half-asleep.

doctor said his fever is way too serious and he needs to receive 3 injections per day until the fever has fully subsided, as well as the sorethroat. apa lah.. this so-called "dragon" so weak wannnnn...... beh yonggggg... =(

but....

SERVE HIM RIGHT FOR EATING TOO MUCH OF NANDOS!!!

(evil laugh)

no la juz kidding.. i dunno how to express my feelins seriously...I ALMOST TEARED when i 1st saw him lying on the bed, with the syringe on his hand. POOR THING!!!!

haih... cant imagine how painful that was... and...i think i'll get sick too since we're always together... dun be surprised if u hear that i'm hospitalized. ^ ^ so in order to prevent that from happening....

no more kissing starting from this moment!!!

DO GET WELL SOON SO THAT YOU CAN BE DISCHARGEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD A.S.A.P!!!

Happy Moments.

2008-03-31T00:00:00.010+08:00

Today is no special day. I have no particular reason for writing this. I have no news to tell, nor any problems to discuss here. But there's one thing I've been thinking of. THE HAPPY MOMENTS. I was very much inspired by Jess and Ben, to really ponder on and talk about the moments of bliss.

I assume, everyone has a different point of view when asked about their moments of happiness.

WHAT ABOUT ME?

WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY?

L.O.V.E is the answer ~

Indeed. I'm happy because I've found someone who loves me, cares for me, and it's because of him, i've learnt to love the people around me with all my heart. All these while, there was only one man who made me feel as loved as he has and that man was my father, but now he has come into my life and I am no longer daddy's little girl, I am his woman.

WHO IS HE??

My BELOVED Boyfriend of course!!!

He's a gift from God ; The air that i breathe.

Whenever life seems to drift him away from me, I can't help but cry. He's grown to be such a part of me that without him life is no more than a desperate sigh. They do say love comes and goes, and to that I disagree. Because i'm totally drunk with joy and happiness whenever i'm with him.

And so my love..

Here's my hand, take it and don't let go of me.

For I've loved you yesterday, love you still;

Always have, always will.

P.S : I do hope that you've recovered from your high fever by the time you read this entry. With my sincerest prayer, GOD BLESS YOU baby!

VOTES NEEDED!

2008-03-30T20:07:00.006+08:00

i'm so glad my besties took part in the happy moments contest. it's about saying what makes u happy and if ur entry is voted as one of the top 10s, u'll be shortlisted for the prizes. winner will get rm5000!! too bad la im not good in writing and im not creative enough... if not i wud hv joinned too. so leh... we should vote for the real talented people.. like my besties... JESS and BEN!! kk just go to their blogs, and vote for them k???
for JESS' blog - http://benjicajess.blogspot.com/
for BEN's blog - http://benjieos.blogspot.com/

DO SPREAD AROUND AND HELP THEM WIN THE VOTES K??!!

THANKS FOR YOUR PRECIOUS TIME AND COOPERATION!!!!

what a day.

2008-03-28T01:20:00.003+08:00

today, I spent the whole afternoon writing the entry entitled " my moments of happiness " for the blogging competition organized by Happy, but somehow dwane said the beginning was too boring; hubby thought it was too serious and formal; natasha found it more of a self-confession rather than my moments of happiness. And so, i decided not to post it up in my blog. I quit.

and again today...hubby and i werent in good terms. relationship simply sucks doesn't it? love hurts, but without love i'm not whole. sometimes i wonder why i put myself into such ironic position. zzz.

New Camera

2008-03-26T23:26:00.006+08:00

as i wished, dad really bought me a camera today.

SONY T70.

there were altogether 3 colours in the shop. black, pink and silver. I wanted the pink wan u see. but there was only one left, which was the displayed model. takkan u wanna purchase something that has been displayed for a certain period of time and was touched by so many customers? yee. i dun! hence i was left with no choice but to get the black wan instead.

surprisingly dad bought this model for me. initially he wanted to go for the cheaper ones, like u noe..those less than rm1K. but i kept bugging him to get me this model coz it's slim and it has 8.1 mega pixel. although it isn't the latest model, and it doesn't hv 4GB internal memory like the T2 or T200 model, what matters most is...it's a sincere gift from my dad, which i truly appreciate it wholeheartedly. also it was bought with dad's HARD-EARNED MONEY!! that makes me even more GAM DONGGGGG! with all my heart i promise, i'll take good care of it by not losing it or damaging it. haha.

neway once again thank you dad...for getting me this camera as my bday gift in advance.

loveee youuu.

oh. and i wanna take away what i said bout you dad. you aint as stingy as i tot u were. haha. u can be very nice at times. maybe...i dun understand you well enough. =)

DOOMed

2008-03-25T22:10:00.004+08:00

the 5th sem has started. im glad. which means i hv only 2 more sems in kdu and i shall FLYYYY...away from this small and not-so-popular-island...FOR GOOD. yes i cant wait.

anyway this sem is a lot tougher than i expected. it's a long dreadful sem..with 4 difficult subs to deal with : organizational communication, radio production, copywriting and photo communication. today we had our 1st tutorial for radio class held in the audio room. it seems pretty cool to be a deejay...but when it comes to the production work...omg. trust me it's worse than being in hell. gotta be sure of how each equipment operates becoz the recording session cant afford to hv anything go wrong. one mistake, and say goodbye to ur recording. throughout the lesson, ken kept explainin the equipments and their functions...there are so many of them until i cant even digest the terms, let alone the functions. worse still, radio requires clear pronunciation and alot of creativity. goshhhh..im so dead. but im thankful i hv great members in the group, whom will guide me through those areas im weak of. as ken mentioned, we gotta work our ass off if we wanna achieve an A. it's not possible, but it's difficult. and sometimes hard work and great effort dun give extra bonus marks. wat to do? reality is oways cruel.

as for org com...yesterday we had our 1st class. mark's class is oways full of humour, fun and sarcasm. he likes to pick the famous ones in class, especially the guys.. and make fun of them... and if someone suddenly says sth wrong in class, or "annoys" him.. he'll beat him on his ass...not student abuse dun get me wrong. his way of doing it is so much funnier and exciting. there's no malice or grudge watsoever. and despite being "embarrassed" in class, we still love him simply becoz he's one of the greatest lecturers one cud have ever had. he noes how to deal with students well, and so does he noe how to carry the lectures out in a more lively manner...to ensure students wun get bored after hours of studying. =) so..that explains why i shud be striving harder for this sub and if possible, get an A..haha. dream on.

i dunno much of copywriting yet. attended a 20-minute-class this mornin, becoz felicia was bz for the march 08' intake orientation, and so our class was dismissed earlier. but according to her, copywriting requires alot of creativy and a strong command of english as u need to noe what words to use for the tagline in any advertisements..we are to draw some cartoons or visual arts for this subject too...which is BAD becoz i cant draw. felicia said we can draw stick mens to represent people. swt. wudnt that resulting to flaws in the piece of work we do? haih. no idea. go with the flow la...pray for the best, prepare for the worst!

photo communication itself clearly tells wat kind of subject it is. and not just for this particular sub, as mass-com students, we are encouraged to own a camera so that we can capture pics at all times. there are times when we discover or come across something unique in which we want to share with others...so hving a camera is indeed more convenient coz we can capture those things or any beautiful scenery at that particular moment. besides we are assigned to many photography assessments, so we actually need a camera to capture pics for the portfolios.

and so when i came home...i told dad about wanting a camera for educational purpose. initially he told me to use his office camera, but i refused. i kept on buggin him..until finally..he gave in. he agreed to get one one, but with no exceeding rm500. of coz i beh syok la. how on earth cud i still find a good camera with rm500? then he agreed to increase the budget to rm1000. k it sounded more reasonable. but i wasnt satisfied. becoz i wanted that sony cybershot T200, which costed my friend rm1500. but it's a new model u see! and i've never owned a digi cam b4. so might as well buy something i fancy and is of a good quality. zzz. i dunno. im damn pek chek actually. coz i kept luan luan luan.. then my dad kinda changed his point of view. he thought i shud in fact get anything not more than 500, and if i aint satisfied, i shall pay the remaining balance. OMFG!! tat's so not cool...someone pls helpppp...=(

apart from being confused which camera to get...i am pretty disappointed in my cgpa. yes i finally received the letter today. and guess wat my cgpa is? 2.89!! wtf? getting 3.4 gpa din pull my grades up any higher. i tot i wud hv at least obtained a cgpa of 3.0....mana tahu......HAIH.....

rupa-rupanya aku hanya syok-sendiri. urgh.

ee wei's bday.

2008-03-24T00:18:00.008+08:00

Date : 22nd March 2008

Location : Tao, Autocity

Occasion : Ee Wei's 20th Birthday Celebration

Activities : Dining and Camwhoring.

INTRODUCING THE BDAY BOY

(blame the photographer for the blurry effect)

sorry but i hv only one picture of him.

not enough?

nvm.

let me entertain you with my bf's looks.

TADAAAAAA!!!

hilarious i noe. but forgive him la since he wasnt ready. haha =p

OMG...still the same FREAKIN retarded look. wtf?!

now u can laugh all u want.

BECOZ I MYSELF CANT STOP LAUGHIN TOO!!!!

wakakakaa. ^ ^

yay. finally we had a proper pic. SWEET!

sorry la bb. din mean to laugh at u.

hehe.

I LOVE YOU.

X.O.X.O

and...thanks for the wonderful dinner ee wei.

will remember ur 100 bucks tax fee. *wink*

The All American Rejects - It Ends Tonight

2008-03-22T01:46:00.009+08:00

Your subtleties they strangle me

I can't explain myself at all

And all the wants, and all the needs

All I don't want to need at all

The walls start breathing,

my mind's unweaving

Maybe it's best you leave me alone

A weight is lifted on this evening

I give the final blow

When darkness turns to light

It ends tonight, it ends tonight

A falling star, at least I fall alone

I can't explain what you can't explain

You're finding things that you didn't know

I look at you with such disdain

The walls start breathing,

my mind's unweaving

Maybe it's best you leave me alone

A weight is lifted on this evening

I give the final blow

When darkness turns to light

It ends tonight, it ends tonight

Just a little insight won't make this right

It's too late to fight,

it ends tonight, it ends tonight

Now I'm on my own side

It's better than being on your side

It's my fault when you're blind

It's better that I see it through your eyes

All these thoughts locked inside

Now you're the first to know

When darkness turns to light

It ends tonight, it ends tonight

Just a little insight won't make this right

It's too late to fight, it ends tonight

It ends when darkness turns to light

It ends tonight, it ends tonight

When darkness turns to light

It ends tonight, it ends tonight

Just a little insight won't make this right

It's too late to fight,

it ends tonight, it ends tonight

Tonight, insight

When darkness turns to light

it ends tonight

im glad it's just a song.

our love remains ; it doesn't end tonight.

at least for now i noe i still love u very dearly.

there's no way i can let go of u.

let go of everthing and pretend as if nth ever happens.

i just cant.

today is exactly the 9th month of our relationship.

and here i am..

still counting every single day spent with you.

Speed Test

2008-03-21T15:22:00.002+08:00

83 words

等待。

2008-03-21T02:35:00.004+08:00

即使等到了，也未必是最好的。

一段美丽的爱情，始终要靠争取才会得到。